I've tried to remain relatively silent about it these past few months, because I didn't see the reason to vent constantly about how much this graduation season at work has sucked.

However, the season is now essentially over, and I though it was a good time to post a summary. I had actually kept track of events a bit on a board I visit, where a discussion of Search Engine Optimization turned into my reporting on how it turned out in a test of our busy season this year. So, here is a copy of those posts, along with a final note on the season at the end and some inserted notes throughout.

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Post 1: So, this is my hell month.

My family company sells academic regalia and graduation gowns, in addition to choir robes, class rings, judicial robes, honor cords, and some other similar stuff.

Graduations started this month, and continue through June.

We've sold graduation caps and gowns online for a few years, though the bulk of our sales were with individual complete schools offline, usually locally in this region but some nationally and internationally.

But this year, I learned how to do search engine optimization. Our Google ranks are the first page now, often as high as number 1, for most of our search terms.

And those F'ing new graduates are all internet literate now, and have no fear of ordering online, and they are poor bastards who cannot afford the incredibly exorbitant rates their colleges charge. So where usually processing online orders are a very minor aspect of my job where I have to deal with maybe 1-3 online orders a day, TODAY I PROCESSED SIXTY-TWO ONLINE ORDERS.

And a huge chunk are from irrational doctoral candidates who are freaking out over actually graduating after a decade of student loan deferment and relatively cushy work and facing the real world and the job market for the first time.

So they cannot be bothered to find out what their school colors and degree color is supposed to be (which is information needed for their hood), or how many sides their tam is supposed to have, or if their school uses a robe that is a color other than black, or if their school embroiders an emblem on the velvet and what that emblem might possibly look like, or if their school uses a different colored cordage around the velvet.

And they insist I should know that information for them, never mind that there are now a billion f'ing colleges, and that those schools now make those color and other decisions sometimes on a whim based on the vote of a student body organization each year instead of sticking with tradition like they did in years past. And never mind that we let them know when ordering that it is information they need to find out on their own because it's one of the reasons our prices are so cheap that we make what you ask for, and don't have reps stationed at Universities.

And don't even get me started on these supposed PhD candidates who are incapable of actually measuring their own sleeve length or hat size despite a diagram and written instructions that any 8 year old could figure out.

Never mind that this is not the kind of stuff you want to be trying to dig up NOW, when there is barely enough time to make the stuff. Never mind that they are ordering 3 weeks before their graduation and paying an extra $50-$75 rush fee and 2nd day air shipping because they were too f'ing flaky to actually take care of their stuff when they were supposed to.

Okay. Rant over. Just had to let that out. Five more days until we raise our prices and the number of orders is reduced. I can make it...I think.

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Post 2: Oh good lord, just shoot me now.

I am reviving this thread because, while I said last month (March) was my hell month, and years of experience taught me that last month was the hell month, this year I was wrong.

This year, likely because of this SEO stuff I posted about, it turned into TWO hell months. In fact, it looks very much like April is going to beat March as far as quantity of orders and dollars. Which is unprecedented for us. I mean, more than double last years orders in both quantity and dollars. (Note - It did: $74,312.15 for March, and $80,230.27 for April, compared to $30,527.47 for April last year).

Which is great for business, but it's just killing me in all other aspects. A relatively fixed average percentage of orders requires customer service (credit card problems, check problems, problems ordering, status checks on how an order is going, status checks on shipping, processing returns, answering pricing and shipping and tax questions, describing product qualities and how to obtain your colors for your degrees, etc...). So, all of that has gone WAY up, and I am working late every night, and we are hiring people like crazy to keep up with production, and inventory is running into problems.

And all of that is combined with the fact that my wife has been absent for 2 weeks without any contact, and my life is seriously sucking.

Just felt like bitching.

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Post 3: Okay, not looking for sympathy, just sort of reporting as things go and venting a bit.

It seems to be turning into my hell quarter.

Not only did April turn out to be busier than March, which had never happened before, but so far May isn't slowing down either.

So far, we've had $15,850.74 in online orders in the first six days of May, and I can see another $2250 that has yet to fully charge (note - last year we made $21,000 total for the entire month of May in online orders). And that isn't skewed by a few particularly large orders...it's pretty consistently around 10 or 11 orders a day. At this rate, we would again have more total orders and total dollar figures for May than March. (Note - That did not quite happen, as things slowed down in late May, but it's pretty close as seen below).

Which makes no f'ing sense. Graduations started in May and end in June, and they take about 4 weeks to produce and another week to deliver unless people pay a rush fee and/or pay for faster shipping. They CAN'T keep ordering like this!

I swear this stuff is gonna make me cry if it doesn't slow down soon.

Oh, and the new employee we hired to help out with customer service? After four days, she just never came back. No call, no complaint, no response to our calls, just went home one day and never returned.

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Post 4: So, my hell season looks to be perhaps finally over.

May is again triple last year's May, and more than last year's busiest month in fact ($62,244.74, and last year's May was $21,921, and last year's busiest month was March at $53,030.23).

But, this Labor Day weekend seems to have finally ended the pain. We had only 7 orders over the long weekend, compared to an average of 31 during the busy time.

Thank goodness. I think I am in shock.

We just booked a flight to Hawaii in August to stay with my in-laws (who live on the beach and have a spare house) for a week. That should recharge the batteries (I hope).

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Final note: Total online orders for 2006 March - May was $105,479.58. Total for 2007 March - May was $216,787.16.

That is a 105.53% increase. And it's not even counting the drastically increased faxed and mail-in orders that were a result of the Search Engine Optimization as well.

For some context, generally in business a 10% to 15% growth rate year-to-year is considered good and healthy.